futoncam journals - Chris
Truth - 1/30/2003 1:36 PM
John 8:32 - "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
Kendra and I had one of "those" conversations last Saturday. One of the ones that starts out. "Chris, we have to talk." No matter what your gender, if you've been in a relationship I'm sure you dread those "we have to talk" conversations. In this particular one, Kendra was really concerned that we were having trouble communicating. She said she felt like we were often talking at eachother instead of to eachother and she couldn't understand why two people who love eachother so much could have so much trouble finding things to talk about. She was especially concerned that she would often tell me things on the phone and I wouldn't even respond with a word or even a grunt. At first I claimed my usual "I'm not a big talker, I only talk when I feel like I have something important to say" comment that I usually pull out, but sensing that there was something else involved, I took a long deep look at myself and came to the realization that the reason I was having trouble talking to Kendra was the same reason I was having trouble talking to me friends and the same reason I was having trouble meeting people. I wasn't happy with my life, it was full of problems, but I wasn't opening up to anyone about them! Not even Kendra! So I took care of that right then and there, spilled my guts to Kendra about my frustrations and troubles and fears and DAMN it felt good.
Now I'm not going to start dumping my problems on everyone I know, but I did come to realize how important it is to share those details of my life with my close friends and family. At least a couple of them. I'd been lying to my parents about a couple details of my life because I was embarassed by them, but I talked to them the next day and fessed up and that felt great too. Especially because they were both very understanding and very supportive. I've had much better luck talking to my friends now and especially talking to Kendra. Sharing details of your life, even your problems, really helps you feel closer to people and helps them feel closer to you. I feel closer to Christina now that she came by my office at work a couple days ago and shared what was going on in her life. It took a lot of trust to tell me what was up and I respect that and I'm glad I could be there to be a listener and try and offer a couple little pieces of advice. I'm glad she feels like she can trust me. Like me, she likes to take care of her problems on her own without bothering anyone else with them, but like I discovered myself, it helps a bit if you can at least talk to someone else about them. It lessens the burden a bit, and strengthens your resolve. I'm glad I spent another semester at American...I'm not making money or advancing my career, but I got to spend some more time with Chelsea, meet some people and come to some more important self-realizations. Well worth even AU's hefty tuition.